Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Induction Date!

Today I had another doctors appointment. I found out I lost 2 lbs, I am now 169 lbs!
I also now have a scheduled induction date! I will be induced on Tuesday, April 30th at 10:00 AM! Let's see if I can lose some more weight before then.(;
I'm VERY nervous to push a baby out of my vagina though. ._.
Apparently, the size of my belly is only measuring 35 weeks, meanwhile my due date is tomorrow. So, all in all, pretty good news. :3

4 comments:

  1. i cant believe that you're PREGNANT and still putting your body through this. please seriously talk to your doctor and turn this into a positive RECOVERY blog, rather than one that promotes eating disorders

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  2. I am so glad that you're giving your baby up for adoption to someone who won't be obsessed with weight loss. My God, you haven't even had him yet and you're obsessing about how much more weight you can lose before he's born! HELLO! ISSUES!!

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  3. you don't get the mental trauma , at all . When i look back into memories of when i was 17 -21 , there just aren't any there, i get memory surges which are overwhelming at any time because all my brain was doing was functioning into a regimented routine of starvation.
    To be a victim of rape t a young age and not be able to control or cope , to finding out you are pregnant and you body will be forced to do something you are not ready for but cant control or cope with , its traumatising , so the poor girl has turned to something she can "control" her eating. except the mind takes over and you feel trapped , you push everyone way and alienate yourself , you see a part of yourself you don't want to see , its like being dragged to hell and prepared to jump into the abyss because your body is already there and shut down. And then you experience a brightness , an all over warm glow like nothing else matters and you are only going through the motions , on another plane almost and recovery is just dragging you back through all the shit you just crawled through to accomplishment. So , she can give the baby up , but she cant turn back time , she has no control over herself or the situation she is in. .

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  4. I have to agree. I was diagnosed with what was referred to as "distress intolerance" which is basically the Drs way of saying I don't have a mental health disorder but I react a typically to stress or upsetting distressing situations. I too was raped but before that I was severely bullied at school as I was highly academic and "gifted" in a peer group where only the well off kids were like that. My parents were factory workers so I didn't belong in any group sn I felt different and was treated awful by my peers at school. I developed my first signs of an ED when my mum got me sectioned as I was behaving suicidal at 16/17. In the hospital I would be very controlling over what I ate but Drs didn't recognise it as I am of a very small build and height anyway. I also spent hours in the gym but the Drs viewed that as a posditive. What I have noticed is that it's not losing weight that drives it, it's when something stressful happens and I need to feel in control so good is the easy option and the hunger pangs are like an addictive reward and a reminder that I caused those pangs and I can make them stop. I'm now 31, married with 2 boys who are nearing their early teens and hiding this control mechanism is much harder. I've just had a hysterectomy and this has triggered it to start all over again after several months of loving fresh home grown food (this was something I did to help me want to eat, grew my own and cooked everything from scratch) but after the hysterectomy I was fitted with a catheter and putbon strong painkillers that caused loss of appetite and nausea. This kickstarted the addiction to hunger pangs and stomach growls and gave me a sense of control over the situation. I'm hardly underweight (58kg at 5ft 3 us dress size 6-8/uk 8-10) so my husband has picked up on me not eating but I just said that it will pass and not to worry but I'm now at that 50/50 could go either way point. Part of me is excited about being in control again and part of me is wanting to snap out of it because I don't want hubby fussing over me etc. I'm not stupid, I'm very intelligent and have college diplomas university degrees under my belt but I still get these moments. I just want ppl to understand that it's not becaus we are stupid, it's not because we don't know any better, it's not selfishness, it's our brain playing tricks on us and trying to find coping mechanisms that work for us. I think this is a roundabout I will be on forever but hopefully I will never ever become as underweight (wearing children's age 11/12 clothes as a 17year old) as before. I feel ashamed of my eating problems which probably saves my life. I think if I wasn't I'd spiral downwards and not give a crap what people thought. Just wanted to share my story

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